In a move that has sent shockwaves through both the retail world and social media, Target has announced plans to close stores across several red states and focus its operations exclusively in blue states. Following Donald Trump’s recent victory, Target has made a bold statement, explaining that “sticking to areas where we feel safe” is their new operating principle. The decision has sparked intense debate, with some hailing it as a stand for corporate values and others decrying it as the latest example of political polarization.

“After analyzing recent election results, we realized that there’s a need to align our locations with our company’s core values,” said a Target spokesperson. “We want our employees and customers to feel comfortable and understood, and we believe that means concentrating our efforts in areas that reflect those values.”

For red-state shoppers who rely on Target for everything from clothing to home essentials, the news has come as a major disappointment. Target, a store where one might go in for paper towels and leave with a cart full of things they didn’t even know they needed, has cultivated a dedicated following in all corners of the country. But Target’s leadership says they’ve carefully weighed the pros and cons, ultimately concluding that certain political climates don’t align with the company’s ideals.

“It’s not about abandoning anyone,” the spokesperson emphasized. “It’s about ensuring a safe and welcoming environment. After the latest election, we just feel that blue states are where we can truly thrive without compromise.”

According to Target, the initial phase of the relocation plan will involve closing stores in states like Texas, Florida, and Alabama, while doubling down on existing locations in states like California, New York, and Massachusetts. The goal, Target claims, is to foster an environment where customers and employees can “shop and work without the shadows of political tension.”

Unsurprisingly, the announcement has ignited a firestorm on social media, with reactions split down party lines. On Twitter, reactions range from celebratory to outraged. Some conservative shoppers have expressed their satisfaction, claiming they’re glad to see Target leave. “Honestly, we don’t need a store that cares more about politics than products,” tweeted one user from Texas. “We’ve got Walmart for that.”

Others, however, are devastated. “I love Target,” lamented a fan from Florida. “It’s where I do all my shopping. Now, just because of politics, we’re being cut off? This is ridiculous.”

Target’s move has prompted discussions about the increasingly politicized nature of consumer choices. With some blue-state fans vowing to spend even more at Target to show their support, and red-state fans pledging to “boycott from afar,” the company may have inadvertently created the most talked-about retail divide of the year.

“Target has become the latest company to realize it’s impossible to please everyone in today’s America,” said a retail analyst. “By choosing a side, they’re hoping to secure loyalty from their most supportive customers, but they risk alienating a large segment of the population.”

Target’s CEO explained that the decision wasn’t solely based on politics but on what he called “the realities of today’s market.” In his words, blue states have proven to be more “accepting of Target’s vision for diversity, sustainability, and innovation.”

Target also revealed that it will be rebranding its stores in blue states as “Blue Oasis” locations, emphasizing inclusivity, eco-friendly products, and “progressive vibes.” The rebranding will include a new layout, complete with quiet zones, community event spaces, and sections dedicated to socially conscious products. Target has promised that the new stores will reflect “a modern, harmonious shopping experience where customers can feel a sense of community.”

The CEO went on to elaborate, saying, “Blue Oasis is more than just a place to shop; it’s a place to be yourself. In today’s world, we want to give our customers a sanctuary from division, where values align and shopping feels safe.”

For many in red states, the decision to shutter their local Target feels like a personal rejection. “I feel like I’m being told my values don’t matter,” said Linda, a longtime Target shopper in Oklahoma. “I’ve been going to Target for years, and now they’re just packing up and leaving? It’s disappointing.”

Others, however, are calling Target’s departure a blessing in disguise. “Good riddance,” said a shopper in Alabama. “If they want to take their ‘woke’ products and sell them somewhere else, fine by me. We’ll stick with stores that don’t try to preach to us.”

Some conservative pundits have even encouraged Walmart to seize the opportunity to “be the hero” by staying put and offering an alternative to the “Blue Oasis” experience. “Let Walmart be the store that serves every American, regardless of political beliefs,” one columnist wrote.

Meanwhile, Target fans in blue states are eagerly awaiting the revamped “Blue Oasis” stores. “This is amazing,” said a California resident. “Target has always been my go-to store, and knowing that it’s aligning with values I support just makes me want to shop there even more.”

Local governments in California and New York have even offered tax incentives for the incoming “Blue Oasis” locations, hoping to make their cities “home bases” for Target’s reimagined stores. Los Angeles is even planning a grand “Blue Oasis” opening event, which will include live performances and eco-friendly giveaways.

“It’s a win for us,” said a New York council member. “Our communities have always been on the forefront of progress, and having Target here as a symbol of that is fantastic.”

While the company’s leadership seems confident, some financial experts are skeptical of Target’s strategy, calling it a “bold gamble.” By pulling out of red states, Target is turning away from a significant portion of its customer base, which could have long-term effects on profitability.

“There’s no doubt this move aligns with their values, but will it align with their bottom line?” said one retail analyst. “They’re betting on a core customer base that supports this direction, but they risk becoming too niche.”

Target’s CEO, however, appears unbothered, noting that the company has weathered challenges before. “This isn’t the first time Target has had to make tough choices,” he said. “We’re choosing to prioritize our values, and we believe our customers will support us in this journey.”

As the dust settles from the announcement, Target’s new direction is sparking conversation about the future of retail in an increasingly divided America. Will more companies follow Target’s lead and limit their market based on political climates? Or will this move be a lesson in the importance of staying neutral?

Only time will tell if Target’s bet on “feeling safe” in blue states pays off. For now, the company seems content to embrace its new role as a politically conscious brand, hoping its customers in blue states will appreciate the loyalty.

Whether this bold move will inspire brand loyalty or alienate half the nation, one thing’s certain: Target isn’t just changing locations—it’s redefining what it means to “feel safe” while shopping in America. And as the CEO puts it, “In a world that’s increasingly divided, we’re choosing the side where we feel at home.”

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.