Buckle up, America. It’s been another week of delusion, deception, and dopamine-deprived drama. I’m Kennedy, and I’ve got your hot takes served with zero apologies and just enough snark to make your PR team sweat. Let’s dive in.

📉 Michelle Obama Throws Subtle Shade at Barack — Again.

Is it just me, or is Michelle O becoming the queen of the passive-aggressive press tour?

In a recent sit-down that was supposed to be about “empowering women,” the former First Lady couldn’t help but drop yet another polished-but-pointed jab at her husband.

“Some people think leadership is about speeches,” she said with that tight grin. “But real leadership happens when the cameras are off.”

Oh, we heard that, Michelle. Loud and clear. And so did Barack — who’s probably somewhere in Martha’s Vineyard sipping a guilt-aged Pinot Noir and wondering when the memoir counterpunch hits shelves.

Let’s be honest: if Michelle really ran for president, it wouldn’t be the Republicans she’d be up against — it’d be Barack’s ghostwriter.

🥒 Lizzo and the Great Ozempic Denial

Lizzo says her weight loss is from “natural changes” and “loving herself.”
Translation: the only thing natural about it is the pharmacy prescription number.

Look, no shame in the Ozempic game — Hollywood runs on GLP-1 now. But when you go from “I love my body just the way it is” to showing up at the Met Gala looking like a peeled banana in a corset, people are gonna ask questions.

And here’s the kicker: her fans feel betrayed not because she lost weight — but because she lied about how. Preaching body positivity while secretly injecting semaglutide? That’s not empowerment. That’s marketing with a syringe.

👁️ Caitlin Clark’s Eye Injury Drama — and Why She Should Quit (for Now)

Look, Caitlin Clark is incredible. Rookie records. Sold-out arenas. She’s arguably the only reason half of America suddenly knows what a WNBA game looks like.

But let’s be real — after the latest injury scare (a supposed poke in the eye that’s now become a “minor vision issue”), maybe it’s time for Caitlin to chill.

She’s carrying the whole league on one cornea and a bruised spine, while the rest of her team looks like they’re still running preseason drills.

This isn’t toughness anymore — it’s martyrdom.

If the WNBA wants her around for the long haul, maybe give the girl a break before Angel Reese body-checks her into early retirement.

💅 Final Thought: America, You’re Not Ready for the Truth

This week proved one thing: we’re living in an age where image crushes substance. Whether it’s Michelle subtweeting her marriage, Lizzo gaslighting her own waistline, or Caitlin Clark being sacrificed for ratings — we keep buying the show and ignoring the script.

So here’s my advice:
Question everything. Laugh at most of it. And never trust anyone who says, “It’s not about the attention.”
Because it always is.

Until next week, stay wicked.
– Kennedy